Screenshot / Instagram
The pandemic may have canceled Halloween for children across America, but that doesn’t mean that adults can’t celebrate. And this year, there are plenty of scary costumes on sale in Washington D.C.
Our fashion experts here at Front Page Live have chosen our favorites.
Flckr / Gage Skidmore
You can’t go wrong with a classic witch costume! Outfit comes with witch hat, broomstick, vacant stare and alternative facts. Hurry, stock is running low!
Read box carefully: This costume is often confused with the Hatch Act Violator kit.
Screenshot / YouTube
The devil is in the details in this season’s hottest costume! There’s a zero-tolerance policy for shoddy materials. The horns seem so lifelike it’s tough to figure out how they were attached to the head. Bonus scary points when trick-or-treating at an immigrant’s home.
*Swastika sold separately.
Flickr / Gage Skidmore
This costume raises the bar on mother issues. Also comes with a towel so you can clean up the blood after your “re-enactment.”
If sold-out, ask about other options like dressing as a slice of white bread.
Wikimedia
Because every Halloween party could use at least one parasite to live off a host! Leave your integrity behind as you leech off of those more powerful than you! Comes with a rock to hit yourself in the head with so you don’t remember any of your previous contradictory statements — you’ll never even notice your own hypocrisy!
Screenshot / YouTube
Paying tribute to classic tone-deaf phonies, this costume is perfect for when you want to just ignore everyone else at the party and keep the focus on yourself. Comes with a booklet of hollow excuses to make it seem like you actually DO care. Which you don’t.
Pairs perfectly with the Haunted Mannequin Costume below!
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If you’re going to dress as an insect this Halloween season, make it the fly that spent two minutes and nine seconds crashing the VP debate. Just remember to disinfect your wings and legs when you get home to prevent COVID. (The buzz is that the top of Mike Pence’s head is a horrible place to spend any length of time.)
Flickr / The White House
“Who gives a F*&# about Christmas stuff?” Not the person wearing this over-priced Halloween costume. It’s scary good! Might #BeBest outfit ever.
Note: Bloody Christmas trees not included.
Screenshot / YouTube
A little pricier than some of the other options, but if you’ve got the bucks there’s plenty of bang to be had! Box comes with two bottles of spray-on tan, an iPhone with CAP LOCK locked, and a pair of pants that are way too long — with a shredded copy of the Constitution in one pocket and Putin’s business card in the other. A must-have for any dictator wannabe!
Flickr / Gage Skidmore
Paying homage to the great greedy swindling reptiles of the past, this costume won’t cost you anything — except your reputation. The beauty of this magnificent shelled creature is that as soon as you show that there are two sets of rules — one for your team and one for the other — you can just stick your head back into your shell for another four years.
The Corrupt Tortoise also comes in a zombie hands edition.
Flickr / Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Expressionless and truly epic in ineptitude, you’ll be the talk of any Halloween bash as you wander around systematically ruining everything in your path with your smug sense of entitlement, empty head, and vacant stare.
Flickr/Gage Skidmore
Looking for a couple’s costume? The Tweedledee and Tweedledum outfits let you put your best foot forward with your daddy issues and inferiority complexes on display!
Note: These two costumes are not allowed to be worn to charity events.
